User:Momowoo

Mich was born to a poor German family in 1693, where at the age of four learned how to pickpocket from wealthy townspeople. On her eighth birthday, her family had won a large sum of money from a deseased lost uncle, who had granted the money in his will. Mich's family spent all the money on useless items and invested in trivial stocks. Stricken by debt and in fear of being sold for parts, Mich ran away to Russia, where she joined a crew of violent crew of bloodthirtsy pirates.

During the next thirty years, Mich traveled across the seas. When her vessel sunk in 1748, she floated along the oceans until she discovered Atlantis, which she sunk out of boredom. While traveling in her second ship, Mich discoverd the cure for Cooties, and carved Asia out of cheese and cardboard. Asia was first place in between Africa and South America, but had to be moved for issues involving the Soviet Union.

The Theory of relativity began when Albert Einstein watched Mich pillage his nearby summer home. A Kracken had burst out of no where, and started to consume the village alive. Not standing for this. Mich bravely fought the Kracken, only having a dull butter knife and fists. This caused a tear in the fabric of space and time. Mich was sucked into a wormhole, sending her to an alternate reality where aliens from mars were posing as princes and stealing away the Disney princesses.

After searching for fifty years, she discovered a wooden cabinet that could stop the aliens. An evil warlock named Banana was guarding it. Mich fought fearlessly, conquering an army of five thousand fifty seven men.

Mich finally defeating Banana, she climbed into the cabinet and saved the princesses. The princesses were so greatful, they performed a satanic ritual to bring her back to her world. Being reunited with her crew, she continued to steal and pillage for thirty more years, until an unfortunate accident to knee forced her to hang her pirate hat. But soon after, Mich trained endlessly under waterfalls for in a parking garage where many old hobos smelled like week of tuna casserole. Wanting more in her life, she stopped her training to go back home to her mother country, and stopped unicorns from taking over half of Sealand.

Satisfied with her work, Mich flew to North America, where she now lives to this day. She now plays video games and draws horrible comics during the day, and hunts for sparkly vampires during the night.